Alice came upon a long table set under a tree. The March Hare and the Hatter were having tea. A Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep. They were using it as a cushion, leaning on it as they talked.
When they saw Alice approaching, they shouted, “No room! No room!”
“There’s plenty of room,” said Alice, feeling annoyed. She sat down at the table anyway.
“Have some wine,” the March Hare offered.
Alice looked around but saw only tea. “I don’t see any wine,” she said.
“There isn’t any,” said the March Hare.
“Then it’s not very polite of you to offer it,” Alice said angrily.
“It wasn’t very polite of you to sit down without being invited,” replied the March Hare.
Alice frowned. The Hatter looked at her closely and said, “Your hair needs cutting.”
“You should learn not to make personal remarks,” Alice said sternly. “It’s very rude.”
The Hatter asked, “Why is a raven like a writing desk?”
Alice was excited. “I’m glad you asked a riddle. I believe I can guess that,” she said.
“Do you think you can find the answer?” asked the March Hare.
“Yes,” said Alice.
“Then you should say what you mean,” the March Hare went on.
“I do,” Alice replied. “At least I mean what I say.”
“Not the same thing at all!” said the Hatter. “You might as well say ‘I see what I eat’ is the same as ‘I eat what I see’!”
They continued with confusing statements, which made Alice feel puzzled.
The Hatter took out his watch and asked, “What day of the month is it?”
Alice thought for a moment. “It’s the fourth,” she said.
“Two days wrong!” sighed the Hatter. “I told you butter wouldn’t fix it!” he said to the March Hare.
“It was the best butter,” the March Hare said quietly.
The Hatter grumbled about crumbs getting into the watch. The March Hare took the watch and dipped it into his tea. Alice watched with curiosity.
“What a funny watch,” she said. “It tells the day of the month but not the time!”
“Why should it?” muttered the Hatter. “Does your watch tell you the year?”
“Of course not,” said Alice. “But that’s because it stays the same year for a long time.”
They went on with their strange conversation. Alice felt more and more confused.
“Have you guessed the riddle yet?” the Hatter asked.
“No, I give up,” Alice replied. “What’s the answer?”
“We have no idea,” said the Hatter.
“Nor do I,” added the March Hare.
Alice sighed. “I think you might do something better with your time than asking riddles with no answers.”
“If you knew Time as well as I do,” said the Hatter, “you wouldn’t talk about wasting it. Time is a ‘him,’ not an ‘it.’”
They talked about Time as if it were a person. The Hatter told Alice that he had quarreled with Time, so now it was always six o’clock for them. That meant it was always tea-time.
“Is that why there are so many tea things on the table?” Alice asked.
“Yes,” said the Hatter sadly. “We have no time to wash the dishes between tea times.”
They moved around the table to get clean cups, but the table was large, and there seemed to be plenty of space.
The March Hare yawned and said, “Let’s have a story. Wake up, Dormouse!”
They pinched the Dormouse, and it slowly opened its eyes. “Tell us a story,” they all said.
The Dormouse began, “Once upon a time, there were three little sisters, and their names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie. They lived at the bottom of a well.”
“What did they live on?” Alice asked.
“They lived on treacle,” said the Dormouse.
“That would make them sick,” said Alice.
“They were very sick,” agreed the Dormouse.
Alice tried to understand but found it all very confusing.
“Why did they live at the bottom of a well?” she asked.
The Dormouse thought for a moment and then said, “It was a treacle well.”
Alice was getting frustrated. The others kept interrupting, and the Dormouse’s story made no sense.
Finally, Alice stood up. “I can’t stay here any longer,” she said. “This is the silliest tea party I’ve ever been to!”
She walked away into the forest. As she left, she looked back and saw that the others were trying to put the Dormouse into a teapot.
After walking for a while, Alice noticed a tree with a door in it. “How curious!” she thought. She went inside and found herself back in the long hall with the little glass table.
“This time, I’ll get into that lovely garden,” she said determinedly.
She took the little golden key, unlocked the small door, and then ate a piece of the mushroom she had saved. She shrank down to the right size and walked through the door.
At last, Alice found herself in the beautiful garden, surrounded by bright flowers and cool fountains.